Spiritual Mindset Myths: Authentic Growth vs Spiritual Bypassing

Hello, and welcome to Spirit Sherpa, the show that helps and encourages you on your journey to unlock your magic mojo. If you're new to this kind of work, go ahead and start with episode one. If you're intermediate, you can go to episode 98 to start, and if you're advanced, oh, fast-forward all the way over to episode 200.

You'll be good. So with me, as always, to share her insights, her wisdom, and probably today, a lot of laughter, is the spirit doctor herself, as we're slap happy together- Yes, we are ... Kelle Sparta.

Welcome to slap happy land, peeps. Slap happy lampy. Yeah. What, what's a lampy? I don't know. It's a... It's a l- it's a lamp that's holding it, so Oh. I- Eh, my brain is hurting. I- Okay, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. It, it's a thing. It's a thing, yes. Are we still in Mercury retrograde, or is this some other- We are

kind of retro something? And, and Saturn. Venus is out. Venus went out on the 3rd, but, um, Mercury's gonna be in retrograde until the 15th of September, and, uh, which, you know, by the time this airs might be already gone. And, um, uh, Saturn is not out until the 4th of November. So. Damn Saturn. He seriously overstays his welcome.

Like, what a prick. Yeah, screwing us over already. Yeah, yeah. It's a thing. It's a thing. So how, how is Panama? Panama. It's so awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Panama. Mama.

Yeah. I'm saying. Well, I, I got, I got a little, um, stir crazy yesterday because I was on back-to-back-to-back calls on my f- computer, which I'm like, "My butt is molding into the seat. I need to move," right? So I, I looked at my husband as soon as my last call was done. I was like, "I need to get out of this house."

And so we got in the car, we drove into town, and we just walked. Uh, we went into the center of town, and there were these, uh, and there's always these amazing birds at sunset, and they're just so loud. And if you're, if you're on my TikTok, you... I, I did a video, uh, talking about the monkey mindset and how loud it gets in your head because the birds were just, like, so perfect for that, right?

And so you can hear them there. Uh, and I, I cross-posted to Instagram and Facebook, so it'll be there too. And then we walked down to the river, and there's this beautiful bridge. It goes across the Caldera River. Caldera. And, uh, the river is filled with all these b- these rocks, and so it's just this wonderful, like, ch- sound, right?

I did a video from there too, so, you know, go check out my social media. You'll find it. It's gorgeous. And let me tell you, the thing that I find most frustrating about Panama is the fact that my photos and my videos cannot do it justice. So as beautiful as you think it is watching it, it is 10 times more beautiful in person, 10 times more impressive in person.

It, it just, y- you just cannot grasp the, the scope of the mountains, and the colors are just not captured on camera at, at the level that they exist. It's just, I'm, I, I'm constantly floored at the beauty that I live in. It, it's- That's awesome ... so amazing. Yeah. I mean, I've taken some amazing photos, and none of them do it justice to what I actually saw.

Yeah. It's just stunning. The can- the camera cannot handle it. It can't. It can't. There's just no way to get the scope of the mountains. Like, you take a picture, and you're like, "Oh, yeah, that's the mountains." You think in the picture that they're really far away, right? But they aren't. They're like 10-minute drive, and they go straight up, right?

So you, you... I can literally go up f- like 3,500 feet in 10 minutes here in the mountains because that's how, that's how steep everything is. It's like straight up. And so, you know, you can't... The, the photos you, you... In the photos, you can think, "Oh, it's not that close. Yeah, those mountains are big." But here, you're like, "Those mountains are big," right?

You're just like- So the, the perspective doesn't, doesn't come across. Correct. So how are the, how are the roads, how are the roads up the mountain? Is it like one way? Well, they're pretty harrowing. There, there, so, so I have, I drove the Road to Hana in Hawaii, which is on Maui, and, um, and it, it has a, like, a 1,000-foot drop.

Um, but I think it's more like 300 feet, but it feels like 1,000. It feels like 1,000. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And it goes straight down into the ocean, right? And, and the road's, like, a, a car and a half wide, and it's a two-way road. And there's no guardrails, right? And this, driving in the mountains here, pretty similar, right?

So if you're not gonna fall off the side of the mountain, you're gonna go into a steep ditch from which your car will not come out without being towed, right? So, you know, a- and, and yeah, but when you're driving up... Like, right now we're having Bajareque, which is, uh, off-season actually because normally that's at the beginning of the dry season.

Uh, but it is a very... It, it's, it's El Nino, right? So we're having a dry rainy season, and so we're getting the Bajareque. We're getting the winds that we normally get at the beginning of dry season right now. And, um, Bajareque is basically, it's a specialty kind of rain, and it, it's, like, long strings of rain that, that are very light.

And because they're long and thin and light, the light refracts through them, and you get the most amazing rainbows, right? And so, you know, you'll be driving up the mountain, and there's a rainbow in... So, so you're driving up one mountain. There's another part of the mountain, like, 200 feet away, 300 feet away, right?

N- maybe a little more, maybe 600, right? 600 feet away, and then there's this huge, uh, c- canyon in between, right? And in the middle of the canyon will be the, the rainbow. Oh, that's cool. It's stunning. So it looks like you're gonna drive through a rainbow. We chased a rainbow down the mountain one day. We did.

We were like, "We're gonna find the bottom. We're gonna find, we're gonna find the pot of gold. We're gonna find the end of the rainbow." But I actually saw where a n- where a rainbow ended one day. Did you go get the gold? Well, there was no way to get there, but we saw it. We saw it. It was like, "Oh, look. We have a rainbow.

Huh, ha." Besides, I didn't wanna fuck with a leprechaun, leprechaun. You don't wanna fuck with leprechauns. It's not a good thing. So let him keep the gold. Uh, y- m- yeah, not worth the effort. Not worth the effort. Not worth the effort. Okay. There you go. Yeah. Leprechauns are like- ... you know, angry dwarves with fairy powers.

It's, it's really not a good idea. Ooh, all right. Yeah. Well, that, that's gonna bring us into our topic for today of being in a spiritual mindset because w- in a spiritual mindset, you know, talking about fairies, and leprechauns, and rainbows, and everything else, you know, pots of gold, and unicorns, and dragons, that's a normal conversation, you know?

White light and fluffy bunnies, yeah. Yeah. So but we're gonna be talking about some truths and some misconceptions today. Yes. Yes, and there are a bunch, and I made a list. And you're gonna tell me what they are because- Yes ... I can't remember. Okay. You did fair, guys. Here is prompting, here's prompting part one.

Go. Yes. Thank you. Okay. Okay, so let's see. So, um, is there a... I'm just gonna ask this off the top of my head. Is there a, which I already know the answer to, but is there a certain way you have to be to be spiritual? Oh, God. I'm such a spiritual person. Oh, this is one my biggest pet peeves. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, I'm so spiritual.

Namaste, everyone. I never get angry. Namaste, bitches. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Me, I just go bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, bitches, so. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, this is one of my biggest pet peeves is this, this thing of, "Oh, you have to speak so softly," and, and, "Oh, I'm so spiritual," and, and, "Oh, you know, I am, I am, uh, I, I, I am, I am calm and, and even at all times."

And you know, stay- Yes, I am one with the universe. That is all. I am all and they are all and we are all in this together. Okay. I am you and you and me and me- That's it ... and you and you and me are all together. Yeah. Together, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, um, yeah, this is one of my big pet peeves is this idea that anyone is always calm and always, you know, spiritual at all times.

And you know, this, this form of spiritual is the biggest crock that there is. It is, you know, it, it's put on. It's, it's drama, it's show, right? And it, i- because they're trying, right? If you're trying to be spiritual, then you're not being spiritual, okay? Let's be clear. And you know, the, uh, I love this because, um, Pema Chodron has this, uh, she did a, a, a recording called, um oh, God, what's it gonna be?

Let me see if I can remember. Ugh, no, I got nothing. I'll, I'll try and remember it and put it in the links. But, uh, sh- it, it was, it was like 15 years ago, but she did this great recording. Uh, and it has sunflowers on it, on the cover, I can tell you that. So if you find the one with sunflowers on the cover, it's her.

Uh, but she talks about this concept called shenpa And Shenpa Shenpa. Okay Yeah. Shenpa is this, uh, you know, she's Buddhist monk, right? And it is this concept of this is where I go eek in my s- being, right? It's like, "Ah, I'm tweaked. Ah." Right? That's Shenpa, is when you get tweaked, right? And, you know, she's talking about these Buddhist monks and, and about being a Buddhist monk and having this experience, right?

You know, you don't get much more spiritual than somebody being a Buddhist monk, right? And yet she's talking about Shenpa. Okay, so nobody, nobody lives in that state all the time of, of being calm and dem- you know, c- clear and perfectly focused at all time. Nobody does that. I don't do that. She doesn't do it.

Nobody does it. Okay? We're all human, right? To, to try and put on airs that that's who you are tells me that you're a beginner. That's what I see. When I see somebody who is doing that, I'm like, "Oh, you're at the beginning of your journey. Noted." Okay? Not to say that you can't say namaste to people. You absolutely can, but it, it...

I'm not talking about the people who namaste from a place of my, my spirit sees your spirit and, and we are, you know, one and, and... You know, I mean, it's a beautiful word. It is a beautiful word, and it has beautiful meaning, but we all know these people, right ? We've all... They're, they're often yoga teachers, okay?

That's all I want to say. I don't know why that is. I don't, I don't know why. But, you know, I'm just saying, we all know these people, right? And so, you know, this is what I'm saying, is that it... Don't try to be spiritual. That's all I'm saying. Don't try, because when you try to be spiritual, then you're putting on an air.

You're putting on... Y- your ego is investing in a new version of your personality, right? And e- if ego's involved, you're not being spiritual. Aha, which is a perfect segue into the next section. Oh, there we go. There you... Okay. Ding, ding. Um, hum- yes, humility versus false modesty. So all right, so here's the thing, and this is particularly important for, for my people because, uh, most of us have been told, "Don't get a big head.

Don't, don't be too loud. Don't be too seen. Don't be too anything." You know, "You don't get to brag about nothing." You know, you know, uh, you know, um, you, you just, "You're not good enough, so give it up," right? So we, as we get older, often associate humility with all of that bullshit, right? And we're like, "Oh, well, humility is not, not taking, you know, credit for whatever," right?

No, humility is saying, "Yeah, okay." Somebody's like, "Oh my God, you're amazing," and you're like, "Oh, thank you." And that's it. That's humility, right? You're taking it in. You're acknowledging it. You're not going, "Yes, I am," and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? That's, that's the thing. Whereas false humility, um, is, is saying, "Oh, no, it's fine.

I'm okay. You know, it- it's really not. I'm not that great. Um, you know, other people tell me this, but you know," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's false humility, where they're like saying, "Oh, yeah, people tell me this all the time," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, da, da, da, da. Whereas if, if somebody else just comes up and you go, "Yeah, okay, thanks," right?

Because you already know it's true about yourself, right? It's not saying it's not true. It's not going, "Oh, no, no, no," you know? And so I wanna be clear, false humility is puffing while you're say- pretending to say, "No, no, no," right? That's false humility. Then the self-abuse side is, "Oh, no, I can't accept a compliment for any reason.

Even if it is true, I, I can't own it. Well, you know, I had all these other reasons, and other people did this for me, and blah, blah, blah," all the reasons to not accept the compliment, right? So but what you're shooting for is right in the middle which is, "Yes, I acknowledge that this is what... who I am and what I do and what I bring to the world, and that's true.

Thanks. Thanks for acknowledging. Thanks for noticing." That's it, right? So that's what true hu- humility is. Now, next one is positivity and its shadow. Yes. Love this one. I love this one. So you know, there's this whole positive psychology movement, and it has value, right? There is value to positive psychology which is, you know, how we think determines what we bring about in the world.

So if you bring a positive mindset to things, then you will likely bring positive results back to you. Absolutely true. However... There's a shadow side to this, which is the la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I'm not gonna acknowledge that there's anything bad in the world, and I'm not gonna acknowledge that there are bad things, and I'm not gonna acknowledge that I have bad thoughts, and I'm not gonna...

I'm just not gonna acknowledge anything other than positive thoughts. In the land of denial. Girl, you on Fantasy Island, let me tell you. Well, you know, and, and a lot of positive psychology kinda supports this concept in, in sort of a weird twisted way. You know, they're like, oh, don't, don't, don't... It's that old, um, shamanic story about, you know, there's a good wolf and a bad wolf inside of each of us.

And I'm sorry, I just have to say, bad wolf, bad wolf. Sorry, it's Doctor Who reference. So for you Whovians, you're welcome. And so there's a good wolf and a bad wolf inside of us and, and, you know, which one... And they're always at battle, and the question is which one wins? Whichever one you feed, right? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And, right? And so, you know, in positive psychology, they're like, "Well, don't feed the bad wolf," right? Feed only the good wolf. Well, the problem is, is that, that what they're not acknowledging is that the bad wolf exists. And I don't like good and bad, you know that, but that's the, that's the terminology. And, um, but the other side, the shadow side, so we'll go with light and shadow, right?

'Cause that's really more accurate, right? It's not good and bad, it's light and shadow. So light is the stuff that we are okay with other people knowing about oursel- a- about us and what we are willing to admit about us, right? Shadow is the stuff that we try and hide away in the corner, right? We don't wanna think about it, we don't want anybody else to know about it, and we don't wanna look at it under any circumstances, right?

Yes. And- All them skeletons. Yes, and, and the, that shadow wolf will come and chew your ass until you acknowledge it exists. And the more you go white light and bunny, which is the, the, you know, the positive people, right, the m- the, the insanely un- unrealistically positive people, the more you go white light and bunny, the more the shadow chews your ass, and you end up bloodied and can't sit, right?

Just not good. So this is the piece. Yes, positivity is super important, but you wanna make sure that you are acknowledging your shadow, and you wanna make sure that you're working on your shadow. Because whatever you don't pay attention to bites you in the butt. Yeah. Is that also kinda when you're, if you, uh, let your inner child keep driving the bus, that you end up, you know, going off the mountain road, you know- Not hitting the rainbow- Or going nowhere because they can't reach- Or nowhere

the pedals, right? Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha, gotcha, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you get a lot of vroom, vroom, vroom, where they're playing with the steering wheel, but they're not actually going anywhere because their, their, their feet aren't hitting the pedals. Therefore, you are not moving forward at all. Therefore, you're not moving.

You're just spinning in circles. You know, you're just literally spinning the wheel and going nowhere, right? That's funny. All right. Let's see. Oh, here's... So I have to tell y'all, I have to tell on myself. So when we're going over this before we started recording this, I looked at this word and I said, "What the hell is this word?"

And I had to sit here and sound the damn thing out, 'cause I have not seen this word spelt out in forever. And I'm like, "Ab-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib what?" So, okay, so it's faith versus... Y'all can laugh at me all you want to, my- let me tell you. But some of y'all doing it too. Faith versus abdication. Yes. So faith, faith is the act of trusting the universe to bring you what you want, right?

So surrender in faith, right? Uh, uh, rather than giving up, right? So abdication is to say, "Not it. Not mine. Not my problem. I'm just gonna walk away from it and hope it goes away." That's abdication, right? So if you give up, you're abdicating your power and you're abdicating your faith. You're, you're, you're, uh, letting it go and being like, "Nope, not mine."

So abdication actually comes from, uh, the, uh, that's used most often in relation to, uh, queens and kings. They abdicate the throne. I'm giving up the throne and walking away, right? So that term is often used in that way. It's like I have this great thing and I'm walking away from it, right? And so when you abdicate responsibility, you also let go of your power in the same moment, right?

Because with great power comes great responsibility, with great responsibility comes great power, right? So if you abdicate your responsibility, you've abdicated your power. You've let that go, too. And so if you abdicate faith by just going, "Ugh, I just give up," right? And you call that surrender, you're not gonna get what you think you're gonna get, because you didn't surrender in faith that the universe was gonna take care of you.

You gave up and went into victim and w- and you're like, "Well, somebody's gonna figure it out. The u- my guides will fix it. I guess. I don't know. I hope. Will you guys fix it, please? Because I, I can't. I just can't. I can't. I can't." Right? That's, that's what I'm talking about. That's, that's the abdication. So I have a question.

'Cause, yeah, and, and I, I, I'm, I have heard this from friends, and they're like, "Oh, girl, I just, I gave Jesus the wheel. I'm just giving it up to him. Take, Jesus, take the wheel." And it's like, hold up. You don't have faith that anything's gonna get done. You just saying... Basically this, to me, it's also a way of saying that you're giving up, 'cause you're just like, "Just let God handle it.

Just let Jesus take the wheel." And I'm, yes, I'm saying that with the e- extra on Southern accent, um, 'cause it's funnier that way. But that's the same kind of thing, right? Uh, it can be. So some people say, "I'm gonna let Jesus take the wheel because Jesus knows better than I do, and, and He's gonna take care of me, and I trust Him to do that."

That is, is surrendering in faith. Yeah. "I'm gonna just let Jesus take the wheel because I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I got nothing, and I don't, you know, I don't believe that my prayers are gonna come true, but I pray because I'm supposed to, and, and, you know, I'm just gonna give up in this way because I, I feel incompetent to do it," right?

That is abdication. Yeah, that's giving up. So you could go either way on that depending on what the energy behind it is. Yeah. Okay. All right. Oh, and on that, that, it, when, if we, follow-up question, that I have faith that the universe, and I'm speaking for, for me. I have faith that the universe is gonna take care of me.

However, that does not mean that I do not still have my f- I'll say f- physical... Uh, no, that's not right. I do still have my responsibilities as a human being in this life on the planet at this particular moment. Old Arabic saying, "Trust in God and tie your camel." Yes. So just because, you know, oh, I have faith that God or insert name here is gonna take care of me and provide me housing, that is not a, a, a thing where, oh, I don't have to go get a job and earn money so I can pay for my housing.

There are some people who are testing that right now and what I... There's a couple of people that I've been watching on TikTok who are, who are testing that, and they have, they've discovered that in some cases it does not work so well. Um, and yet they're, they're, they're practicing it over and over again, and they're finding ways to do it.

But you don't always end up with exactly what you want if you're not taking active steps towards it, right? So can you find, you know, could you find a way to live f- rent-free? Yes. Would it necessarily be in a situation that you absolutely want? Not guaranteed, right? Because you're, you're... In, in American culture, mon- and in many cultures around the world, money is a form of power, right?

And so when you abdicate the money, you also abdicate that aspect of the power. So you could find somebody willing to put you up and let you live with them for free, or maybe, you know, in exchange for some chores or whatever. Um, but now you're subject to that being their house, and you are the, the guest, and therefore, you know, the, they could change the, the rules at any moment.

And now if you're not earning money, then you don't have the power to make a choice of your own, um, unless you found another situation that has a similar scenario, right? Money just makes it easier to make that choice. Not, not to say that you're giving up all of your power if you abdicate money. You're not.

You're not, right? You can absolutely, um, you know, do a barter society sort of thing if you find other people who wanna participate in that and whatever. That, there's nothing that says you can't, except the IRS will wanna tax it. But, uh, you know, eh. But, um, but the, the key is that you have to recognize where your power is in the scenario, right?

So if you're handing over your power by giving up the money, then that's a, that's its own challenge. Uh, do, do, do. Oh, forgiveness, um, and generosity and their shadows. Ah, yes. Okay. So forgiveness, this is one of my favorites, right? So I love forgiveness, and forgiveness i- I wanna define it because we love Carol Burnett's definition here.

Uh, forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better yesterday. This is my definition of forgiveness, and this is from Carol Burnett, which is the best definition I've ever seen, okay? It's not saying, "Oh, it was okay that you did this." It's coming to a place of acceptance and saying, "Yep, that's how it happened, and I'm gonna stop saying it should have been different."

That's the differential, right? I'm gonna let go of saying it should have been different and just accept that it was what it was, right? That's the piece that creates the forgiveness, is letting go of the shoulding, right? And what I find is that people try to bypass the, the sp- stuff that comes before, right?

So when you are going to forgive somebody, you're doing it for you, not for them. Let's just start with that, right? Because i- this isn't about letting them off the hook. This is about l- stopping the, the well of rage from building inside of you over stuff you didn't have any control over back then and you certainly can't change now, right?

It's like I'm just gonna let that go, right? And they, they... It's interesting, I read an article recently, um, that they said that, uh, the depressed mind, uh, focuses on the past and the happy mind focuses on the future And I thought that was really... And this is a scientific paper where they were talking about how people think and things like that.

You know, in, in spirituality, we would say, you know, the, the spiritual mind stays in the present, right? So we would add something to that. But, you know, the, the depressed mind is focused on things in the past that you can't do anything about, and the happy mind is, like, planning cool things for the future usually.

So, um, that's, that's sort of the mindset there. But when you're in, dealing with forgiveness, one of the things that happens is, and this is another spiritual bypass thing, is that people will say, "Oh, well, you have to forgive that person. You have to forgive them." And I had somebody say that to me. I, I discovered that I was very angry with my mother, which I don't know why I was not aware of that, because I would get pissed every time I had to talk to her.

But yeah, I was completely unaware of it. So this was, like, 15 years ago, right? And I'm just like, "What, Mom? What? " You know? But I was very angry with her, but I didn't... But, but she and I were best friends when I was growing up, and so in my head, we were best friends, but she pissed me off every moment of every second of every time we talked.

And, but I wasn't mad. I- she was my friend, right? You know, so I- I was just... This is the thing when you haven't questioned thoughts in your brain in a while, that that's, that's the shit that happens, right? So I had just discovered that I was very angry with my mother. Um, and I, I brought it up at a, at a event that I was at, and, you know, they, they had me do some processing around it.

And at the c- at the food table afterwards, this woman comes up and she's like, "You have to forgive your mother." And I'm like, "I just got in touch with the fact that I am pissed at my mother. It is not yet time for me to forgive her." "You have to forg-" I'm like, "You have to back the fuck off." Right? Because you don't get to tell me how to do this, right?

I said, "Let me be clear. I need to admit that I'm pissed. I need to figure out why I'm pissed, and I need to acknowledge and validate my own feelings before I get ready to let go of all of this. Because if I don't, I'm telling my subconscious mind that I deserved it." And she was just like, "Oh." I'm like, "Yes.

So before you go telling other people what to do, why don't you take a moment and ask and be curious?" Because I knew perfectly well how to deal with it, I just was not aware of it before that, right? And so, you know, you do, you need to acknowledge the anger. You need to acknowledge the upset. You need to see what it was that was not okay so that you will recognize it in the future if it shows up again, and so that you can say, "I didn't deserve this."

Because if you don't get upset about it, your subconscious mind says, "Oh, well, it must have been okay then." I'm like, "No, it was not okay. I need to get upset." All right? I need to get upset and I need to acknowledge what the issue was, and I need to move through it. And then, then and only then is it time for me to forgive.

Is it time for me to let it go and say, "Nope, can't do anything about it now. Couldn't do anything about it then. No point in wasting energy on it." It was what it was. Moving on. And so what was the other one? Forgiveness and- Uh, uh, generosity- Oh ... and its shadow. Oh, yes. Generosity and its shadow. So- I'm just giving everything away.

Oh, man. Everybody gets a car. Everybody gets a car, yeah. I, I recently had a conversation with somebody who, who had made a lot of money and gave most of it away, and I'm like, "Do you have enough for you?" And he was, "Well, you know, I, I pay my bills," and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I, I got the distinct impression that that may not be the case, right?

There was not necessarily enough, um, you know, if they wanted to retire or whatever, right? So, um, and that's where the shadow side of generosity comes in, right? So generosity is, um, I'm giving to you from a place of, of I feel, uh, you know, I want to, right? I have an abundance and I want to share it, right?

Mm-hmm. I have an excess. Yes. I have an excess and I wanna share it. Shadow of generosity can be in giving away so much that you're no longer properly taking care of yourself, which I've seen happen. I had that conversation years ago with a woman who's, who was like, you know, "My daughter needs help and I, I don't wanna give her my rent money, but I feel like I need to give her my rent money 'cause that's what a good mother does."

And I'm like, "Uh, no. No. Your daughter is a grown woman, and that's her job to support herself, and you need to pay your rent," right? You know, giving too much away to the point where you're not adequately taking care of yourself, then that, that becomes a shadow issue. That's a I'm establishing my value by giving money to people and things and, you know, causes and whatever, right?

Um, and, and it's a, it's a way of establishing your value. Now, there is actually a medical condition that causes people to over-give as well, um, and that's usually caused by a brain tumor. But, um, but in just sort of general life, giving, you know, being generous in that level. You know, "I'm gonna buy, buy drinks for the bar," you know?

That's usually a I'm, I'm gonna look good, right? That's, that's what that's about. And so there are cheaper ways to feel good about yourself. That's, I'm gonna say that. And then secondly, the other piece of the shadow of generosity is, um, it's, um... Oh, it was there, and now it's gone. Where'd it go? Uh, habit- Back into the shadows.

Back into the shadows. Um- So the, the other piece of generosity... I, I got nothing. It's, it's not there. We'll do it, but it'll come pop back into my head in a minute. Just keep, let's keep going. We'll go to the next one 'cause I don't know what it is. I don't remember where it went. It's all right. It'll come back up.

All right, um, let's see. Service and its shadow. Service. Service and a shadow. Yeah, so- Is this being in service? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I got the generosity thing now. Okay, because see, I told you. So the other piece of the generosity, and this works with service too, is that you are, uh, giving it away because you don't feel like you deserve it.

Okay? That's the other shadow side of generosity and service. I'm, I'm giving all my time, or I'm giving all my money, or I'm giving all my goods, or, you know, whatever, because I don't feel like I deserve them anyway. So, you know, you, you need it more than I do. That's another way of saying I don't deserve it, right?

Um, or being codependent with somebody else and going, "Oh, you need this more than I do. Okay, I'll figure it out. It'll be okay. I'm more resourceful than you are. You can have it," right? Like, okay, well, you know, great. Keep your money and be resourceful and help them, but keep your money. Keep, you know, keep your time, whatever you, whatever it is, right?

Um, service, so service is great. We love to, to have service because, you know, it, it gives you the opportunity to help others, right? One of my favorite random acts of kindness is to like feed parking meters as I walk by, right? I'm just like, you know, 25 cents out of my pocket to save somebody 25 or 30 bucks, you know?

That's, that's a good deal. Um, but the, uh, you know, acts of service have limitations too. I see this a lot in, in especially, uh, women-owned, uh, and/or spiritual businesses. And what happens is they get codependent with their clients, and they're like, "Oh, well, they can't afford that much, so I can't charge this much," or, "Oh, well, I'll do a work study even though I re- I don't really need anything, and it's not really gonna help me, but they really need it," and, or, "I'll do a pay what you can, and I'm not making my rent," right?

And like, uh, if you're not making rent, you are the charity. You need to not be doing charity, right? You are the charity if you can't pay rent. You should not be doing sliding scale. You should not be doing, um, you know, pay what you can. You should not be doing work study. You need freaking cash in hand, man.

Do it. Get the cash in hand. And part of that is, it's a, it- it's codependency with the client, but it's also a, "Well, I'm not really convinced that what I'm doing is worth what I'm charging, so I'll just give some of it away, or I'll charge less for a lot of people, and then I won't have to feel like it's not really worth it, and, you know, or maybe I'm not good enough," and da da da da, right?

So- All of these things, right? So s- with service, you end up with that. So, uh, you know, what I tell people is, "Look, don't do a trade unless you would pay for the service." Okay? A- and you would pay that person for the service, right? If you would not pay that person for the service, then do not do a trade, because you are paying that person for the service with your trade, right?

So now, um, you know, service is in a shadow when you do it that way. You know, I think we pretty much understand what it is when it's in the light. It's, you know, I'm being helpful. However, there's also another way the service goes into shadow, which is I- I'm gonna take care of you even though you didn't ask me.

I'm gonna step into the middle of a confrontation that you're having with somebody else, and I'm gonna take the heat because you can't defend yourself as well as I can defend you. That, that is, that is very shadow service because you're, you're basically telling the other person that they're helpless and that they can't manage while you, when you do that.

Now, if they ask you to step in, that's another story. But if, if they did not ask and you just step in, then you are basically telling them that they can't take care of themselves and, you know, you, you might get smacked for it. I mean, my, my dad came at my stepmother pretty hard at a dinner table in a restaurant once and made a huge scene, blew up, yelled, scream.

Now we're in the south, okay? Huge scene, and got up and left. Stormed out of the room. And I went to get up and go yell at him. I was like 28. And, uh, my stepmother, as I went to get up to, because I was gonna go ream him and, and she said, "Sit down." And I went like... She said, "This is my problem, and I will handle it."

And I was like Okay. Yes. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. You know, I, I was so pissed I wanted to yell at him, but I couldn't argue the fact that this woman was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. And that she was married to this man, and she knew him, and she, she was capable of holding her own. And I just, you know, and I, I was mad for three days because I couldn't let all the adrenaline out.

But I didn't do it because she was right, you know? And so, you know, I, I went up to get all upset for her and she was like, "Uh-uh." So I got whacked for, for taking on what wasn't mine. Please tell me she was, like, 4' nothing and a h- 99 pounds dripping wet. Please tell me she was T 90- No, no ... 'cause it makes the story much better

my customer was 5'10". She's 5'10". 5'10". Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. No. But you did not mess with her. Yes, indeed. I love it. I love it. I love it. Yeah. But this is another way where we go overboard in service, right? That's where service goes into shadow. All right, let's see. What about, ooh, compassion versus sympathy and codependency?

These are kinda all intertwined a little bit. Eh, kind of, but not really. So, uh, codependency... So we know what compassion is. Compassion is the ability to, uh, empathize with the person who is having the experience and to say, you know, it's like, "I have felt what you feel." So emp- e- e- being empathetic. Yeah, it's empathy, uh, with acceptance, right?

So it's, I, I understand, I, I grok in fullness, you know, I feel what you feel. Um, I, I, and I accept that that's what you're feeling. I don't have to change it. I have compassion for your experience. It is not my job to fix it. That's compassion. Okay? Sympathy is, "Oh, you poor baby, you feel like this? Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, how can I fix it for you?" Right? That's sympathy, and you're, like, stepping closer into that codependency thing, right? You're, you... It's, it's often... It, it's actually often codependent, right? And then true, full-blown codependency is, "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry you feel like this. Uh, let me fix it. I'm gonna fix it for you whether you like it or not.

I'm doing it." Right? I'm paying your rent even though you blew it at the craps table. Right. Yeah. Or, you know, I'm paying your rent because you, you got it stolen from you, or whatever, you know? But whether, whether you want me to or not, right? That's codependent. Okay. So yeah. Co- uh, compassion is I, I feel for you, and I understand where you are, and I accept that it is what it is, and I'm going to allow you your experience in this moment, right?

And, and, you know, I'm not gonna try and change your circumstance, because you're a sovereign being capable of re- running your own life, and it's not my job to fix you, right? It's the ultimate statement of respect, right? I respect you enough to acknowledge that you are an adult, a full-ass grown adult, right?

And you are capable of making your own choices and dealing with your own life, and if you don't ask for my help, it is not my job to fix it. And it's not my job even if you do ask. Even if you do ask, it's not my job, but I have the option to help. Right. Right? But I will not enable you if, you know, you're doing bad behavior, but, you know.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Depends on what I wanna do. 'Cause you're a grown-ass adult woman, and if you wanna b- if you want to be in an addictive state and be enabled, then that's your call, right? And I will decide whether or not I wanna participate in that. You know, for me, it would be a hell no, I'm not participating in that.

I've, I've had that experience and gotten kudos from my, my husband, who's in recovery for 17 years now. He was like, "Wow, you really, you managed that really well." I was like, "Oh, thanks. Awesome," because I was like, "Oh, hell no, I'm not doing that," right? So, you know, somebody who's like, "Oh, you're, you know, I told them that you're gonna do this," and I'm like, "You didn't ask me if I was gonna do that, and I'm not willing to do that.

And so you better tell them something different because I'm not gonna t- say that for you because, you know, that's not true. So I'm not lying for you. That's not... I don't think it's in your best interest, and I'm, I'm not lying for you. That's just not gonna happen." So- But you're my bestest friend-est. Yeah.

Whether it's in your best interest or not, I am not gonna make a liar out of myself because you chose to try and make me one. That's not gonna happen. So, you know, yeah. So that's, that's sort of the differential there. Okay. So we can, we can own our power, being spiritual. We don't, you know, we're not gonna be always...

It's okay to get pissed off even though I'm on a spiritual path? No, it's necessary. It's not just okay, it's utterly necessary. Utterly necessary. You need to get in touch with your own emotions. That is part of the spiritual path, and anger is an emotion. It's a secondary emotion, but it's an, it's an emotion.

Anger comes after something else. A- after frustration or sadness or guilt or upset or, you know, hurt or rejection. Anger comes after those things. It's a secondary emotion, but it is the doorway into the primary emotion, which is what you need to access. And if you are denying your anger, then you're never gonna find your primary emotions and process them.

Okay. Now, as someone who's been on spiritual path for 40-plus odd years a- and all, right, um, then I would imagine that, so there's times you've been pissed off, there's times you've been sad, there's times you've been happy, there's time you've been- You know, like, comme ci, comme ça. Just, you know, it's okay.

It's all right. And then there's times you've been frustrated as all get out. Being spiritual, we're each on our own path, so the gamut of emotions, it's coolio to experience it, and it's, from what you're saying, we better experience it, you know, as, as being true to ourselves. Would that be accurate? It is.

Um, so I'll give you another example. Uh, two days ago, I went down to see a new doctor, and they're trying to get some stuff worked out with me, and the doctor is, uh

So there's a thing, there's a macho thing in Latin America, right? And if you come in as a woman into a doctor's office, they wanna tell you what to do. They don't wanna often listen to you. And so I made my husband come with me because I needed a man to talk to the man to, to back me up because otherwise it was not gonna go well.

It didn't go well anyway because, you know, he was convinced that I was non-compliant in, in different things I'm supposed to be doing, which I wasn't, and, and he was just... He was, he was obnoxious, okay? He was totally obnoxious. And, you know, he was convinced that I was hypertensive and blah, blah, blah. And so here I am, he's trying to tell me over and over again, he- to the point where he...

Hypertension is high blood pressure, right? So he was convinced that I was lying to him about that, to the point where he actually took my blood pressure after asking me multiple times, and I, me telling him no. He took my blood pressure, didn't believe the reading he got on one arm, and took it on the other arm, and still was frustrated that he had gotten a normal blood pressure.

And so, you know, I'm sitting here going, "Okay, he is basically calling me a liar to my face, and then not trusting his own equipment." And, you know, if I had still been in a place where my value was established externally, I would've been pissed. I mean, like bullshit pissed, and I would've made him right because it would've put my blood pressure through the roof because I was so angry, right?

Now, I'm looking at this going, "Oh, dude, this is not okay." And I'm, I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong. I am not happy, but I am managing the, the response because I'm like, "I am not giving this man the fr- the satisfaction of finding a high blood pressure because I let my anger get out of control," right? And so I'm like, "Yeah, I'm not happy with you right now, but I am gonna maintain my calm and my, my, my calm demeanor and my, my blood pressure at a lower level."

And in fact, it came out, you know, completely normal, and then I let myself get angry later. You know? Once I left, once I left the, the appointment, I was just like, "Rah," you know? But, um, yeah, I mean, so y- yes, do I get upset? Yeah, I do, but it's... I had a reason to be upset. I was being dismissed. I was being treated as a, a, you know, like, scolded like a child and over things that I was...

You know, I was following instructions from s- from a different doctor, and he was scolding me over following the instructions from the other doctor, and I'm like, "That's not okay," right? So e- when situations like that happen, it's okay to get pissed, right? And I'm like, "I'm never going back. That's my answer.

I will deny you f- additional cash from me. You will not see me again, and, and I'm just gonna move on to another doctor." But I'm not like- So, you know, I, I got upset about it. I had my, my vent about it. You know, I had my 15 minutes of rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. And then I'm like, "Okay, moving on." Next. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I don't talk about it, un- I mean, I'm talking about it here because you were talking about, you know, getting angry and how do you process it, right?

Um, but, you know, um, unless somebody's asking me about how the experience was, I'm not talking about it, because I'm, I'm done. I've moved on, right? So that's the differential, is that I'm not dwelling on the past. I'm, I'm moving forward, and I'm like, "Okay, so new internist and, you know, talk to the, the nutritionist again," and, you know, all the things, right?

Moving forward, right? So that's the thing. So y- you know, yes, you have your upset, and then you move on. Some things are, you know, upsetting. They just are. It's like, "What? This was not okay," you know? And I'm, I, I'm a fan of saying that. I'm a fan of looking at somebody and saying, "This was not okay." Now, I didn't bother with him because I'm not gonna continue the relationship, okay?

If I was gonna continue the relationship, I would bother. I would have said, "The way you spoke to me was not okay. The way you're being with me now is not okay." I, I would have done that. But I, I already knew I was not gonna get anywhere with that conversation based on how I was being treated, and so I was like, "Yeah, there's no point in having this conversation and spinning myself up and being upset about it.

I'm just gonna remove myself from the circumstance and not have that conversation again." Yeah. You know. And, and, and you know what? I just looked at my note, um, about our, um, our... Your, your new announcement, and I completely forgot to do that at the beginning. So we're, so we're gonna do it now with, with, with, with the big announcement.

So So- Yeah ... so it, so in talking about it- The same place where we did it last night where people probably aren't gonna hear it now. So yeah. So the, uh, the, the big announcement is that, that I've recently gotten a f- a, uh, funding partner in place for the business, and that means that they actually will provide loans for people who want to come into the program.

And so if you needed a longer period of time to pay in order to take the program, and I couldn't offer that to you because there's only so much I can finance, then, uh, we have a company now that will do that. And so if you were s- like, I really need a payment that's, like, $100 a month or whatever, you know, you can probably work that out with them.

So, uh, you know, if you've been waiting to, to do a discovery call or to join a program or whatever because you just couldn't come up with the cash all at once, uh, we do have a funding partner for that, and all you have to do is just, uh, look at the link in the, in the notes, and you can get your funding that way.

Or when you come on a discovery call and talk to us, uh, we will give you the link to do that at that time as well. So there's all sorts of ways to deal with it. So yeah, that funding announcement we were supposed to do at the beginning. We always... See, you know, I forget to promote things, guys. I know. I'm so focused on making new content, and I forget to give you the stuff that, that, that helps my business and, and, you know, so on and so forth.

But, you know, because I'm, I'm all about giving you guys content. So- And I was no help today completely. Yeah. So I completely dropped the ball on that one. So, you know- But- If, if, if you're, uh- ... feeling grateful for the, uh, the, the stuff you've gotten here, please rate and subscribe and like. And, uh, you know, if you're in one of those, uh, platforms that allows you to do an actual review, please do that.

That helps us a lot for getting the word out more. Uh, we are trying to expand the access to this podcast. And, you know, if you've been here for any length of time, you know how much value that we provide. So, you know, tell your friends, tell your local spiritual store. Put a little, you know, QR code or something out for us that sends people to the podcast or the, you know, the website address or whatever.

Um, we would love you and appreciate you forever if you would do that for us, and that would be so wonderful. Thank y'all so much. Um, yeah, d- click all, click all the buttons, the likes, the everything. Spread the word. Spread the word. Namaste, we gon' spread the word.

All right. So what is your Kelleism for today for the, uh, for the spiritual truths and the misses conceptions? Misses conceptions? Yes. Misses conceptions, yes. Yeah. So, um, the, the, the thing for today is- If you're being real, you're probably not bypassing. So the more real you can be with your own feelings, your own emotions, your own thoughts, your own actions, the more real, the more transparent, the more, you know, a- available and authentic you're being, the less likely you're spiritual pa- bypassing.

There you go. Well, that's all that we have time for this week, folks. Tune in next time when Kelle adds another chapter into your guide to energy, magic, and the spirit world. I'm Jules here with Kelle Sparta, and you have been listening to Spirit Sherpa. So long, y'all. Bye.